Here at Small Talks our goal is to give a voice to those who don't always get one. We believe that everyone is deserving of a front cover, not just the lead singer. That's why we have decided to start the series "Small Talks Spotlight", where we will be featuring more "behind the scenes" creatives. For Volume 1. of "Small Talks Spotlight" we sat down with Bella Peterson, a Non-Binary photographer out of Saint Louis, MO. We talked to them about their career in photography and the problems with inclusivity in the music industry.
Small Talks: First of all I wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk to us! Can you give us a little introduction?
Bella Peterson: Of course, very honored that you guys considered me for a feature! I think in my entire time doing this the thing I’ve been the worst at is introducing myself, ha! I’m Bella Peterson, I’m a 21 year old nonbinary live music, portrait, and 35mm film photographer based in Saint Louis, MO.
Small Talks: Why/when did you start photography and was there a moment where you knew that this would be something you would want to pursue as a career?
Bella: So, my mom is a photographer, which means I kinda grew up around it and would assist her on shoots as a “first job” sort of thing. She taught me the basics of working a camera and I would just like, take photos of my pets and flowers and stuff. Nothing extremely inspired, but I had fun with it! I taught myself Photoshop and just made Tumblr edits and stuff for a lot of my early teen years.
I never really considered any of it as a serious thing until I saw COIN for the first time in early 2017, and delved deep into their fanbase and saw how many young nonmen in their sphere were pursuing careers in not only photography, but music photography, which I had totally just grown up accepting as something that was accessible to only older white men. I started taking a film camera to shows and borrowing one of my mom’s DSLRs at venues that would allow it, put an extremely shoddy portfolio together, and submitted to my first publication – Heart Eyes Magazine. Totally thought I was gonna get rejected, but they for some reason saw something in me. The rest is history, I guess!
Small Talks: Do you have a favorite show that you have photographed?
Bella: I get asked this a lot, and I’ve kind of landed on two different answers with it. I photographed one of my all-time inspirations, Maggie Rogers, for the first time last September, and I still think that sole gallery is a collection of my best work. Capturing energy and emotion through still images is such a difficult feat and with her it was just so, so easy. It was an absolute honor to photograph that show and I’m very grateful for her and the love she showed me and the publication after that gallery went up. It was very grounding and made me so confident that this is where I belong.
On the other hand, I’ve photographed COIN pretty consistently throughout the last three years, to the point where it’s just something so deeply natural to me. It’s like it’s something I’m programmed to be doing. They’re my favorite band, and I have quite a strong relationship with them as a fan, which allows me the comfort and confidence I need to produce work I’m proud of every time I see them. I documented quite a bit of their fall tour last year, which landed me a show on the anniversary of the first time I’d ever shot for them. I don’t get to directly compare my growth like that often, and it was so insanely affirming.
Small Talks: You’ve been doing photography for a long time now, is there anything you wish you would have known back when you first started? If you were to go back in time and give yourself advice, what would you say?
Bella: Oh god, so much. I was truthfully so inexperienced and uneducated on really everything when I jumped in. There were not a lot of resources out there for beginning concert photographers at all
when I started, and in a way I felt like I was expected to already know and understand so much about both etiquette and equipment that I just didn’t. I was working with stuff that was definitely not meant to be in tiny, dark venues and couldn’t figure out why my photos weren’t coming out the way I’d imagined them. And obviously gear is not everything, but everything has limits. I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure that out.
Also, it’s kind of embarrassing, but literally no one told me about RAW files until I joined a magazine, and I’m probably going to be upset about that until the day I die. I’d trade my soul to have the RAWs from some of my first galleries. Baby photographer version of me, if you’re listening, please switch your camera settings off of JPEG. I’m begging you.
Small Talks: Do you think being a “fan” impacts the way you shoot/the way you are treated as a creative?
Bella: Absolutely, 100%. I‘m a very sentimental person by nature, and when I was just taking shitty phone photos at concerts I was always so disappointed that the photos didn’t match the memory. Something I try really hard to do in the way I frame and stylize photos and galleries is to put them through that romantic lens of a fan that misses their favorite band. There’s something so insanely special about getting to capture some of the most exciting moments in fans and artists' lives, and if I can freeze that feeling for them the way they want to remember it, that's when I feel my job is done.
I also definitely think it has impacted how I’m seen as a creative quite a bit. I’ve tried very hard to balance the experience of being a professional in the industry with being someone that still gets excited about music, and I’ve found that to many people that makes them feel as though I’m lesser than them, ESPECIALLY when my gender presentation is factored in. I can bust my ass to produce quality work and still sing along while I’m shooting. I can be professional and still get in the mosh pit. I can be a fan of the bands I’m creating work for! None of this stuff has to be mutually exclusive.
Small Talks: How does being non-binary impact how you are viewed, and how you interact in the industry?
Bella: So, I have a tendency to present pretty hyper-feminine most of the time, which means that most people I’m interacting with in a physical context see me and think of me as a girl. And I know that’s the way really all of us have been socialized, so I really try not to let it get to me, and a lot of times I feel like we’ve made strides in inclusivity in the industry all over and then sometimes I feel like there’s just no space for me. It seems like every day I’m getting asked to join a new publication or group or something for “girls/women in the music industry” or “female creatives,” and this is all by people that know that I’m not any of those things! I just don’t feel like, on top of people not taking me seriously because I appear to be a woman in music, people take me even less seriously when they find out that I’m not even that.
Small Talks: What are the improvements you'd like to see in the industry for it to become more inclusive?
Bella: So, so, so, so much. We still have such a long way to go, in every aspect. I actually just had a really cathartic conversation with a photographer friend last night about our experiences, and just trading horror stories about being stopped in the box office or interrogated by security or what have you, and at a point we both realized that we have genuinely considered quitting every single time we’ve been harassed like that. Fully just wanted to throw out our shit and give up. And the common thread in all of our stories was that there would be a pit entirely full of male photographers that had no issues getting in, but the moment either of us set foot into the place there’s suddenly questions on why we’re there, and if we're just trying to get free tickets or sleep with the band, and if we even know how to use our gear, and then if by the grace of god someone believed that we were actually there for our jobs we’d then have to go through another layer of questioning by the male photographers! There is an absolutely insane amount of people that think just because there are a few prominent women in our industry that making a career in it as a nonmale just isn’t an issue anymore, but there are still so many roadblocks and you are still going to be questioned and made to feel like you don’t belong there every single night. I’ve been doing this so long and it still feels like it’s never going to get easier. And I know in my heart that it is, because I’ve surrounded myself with the most amazing community of nonmale creatives and because I’ve had so many nonbinary people tell me that I inspired them to pursue a career in this because they saw me and registered that their gender identity didn’t prevent them from making a name for themselves. I just know that with these amazing people fighting their way into the industry it’s going to get better, but until the men in the industry take a step back and listen to our experiences and understand that their behavior tends to lean toxic I doubt significant change will be made any time soon.
Small Talks: What made you decide to delve into film photography?
Bella: Really, I just started doing it because I liked the look of it! I didn’t take much notice to it all until disposable diaries started becoming a huge thing in the indie/alt circles I was in, but my disposables always turned out to be duds. I still really wanted to try my hand at film though, so I started toying around with a hand me down Canon K2 from my aunt, which has become my baby. I couldn’t have expected it when I started, but working with film has made me a million times better at photography. It really teaches you so much about composition and deliberation, amongst so many other things. If i could afford to do it, I’d resign from digital for the rest of my life.
Small Talks: Anything else you would like to add?
Bella: Just wanna thank y’all again for giving me space to ramble on and on about what I love! I’m incredibly grateful for the support y’all have shown me and my work, for really my entire career at this point. If even one person wants to see what I’m putting out or hear what I have to say, that means the entire world to me. I hope y’all and all your readers are staying safe and healthy during such a weird time.
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