Meet Matilda Phan, your new favorite singer-songwriter out of Jacksonville, Florida. Her newest single “End Up Okay” will have you in a puddle of your own tears, it's that good. The song is a personal journey for Matilda through her hardships, and how she “ended up okay” in the end. The lyrics are something we can all relate to, and I think this song came at the most perfect time for many of us. We sat down with Matilda to discuss the writing process for “End up Okay” and more.
Small Talks: So, what got you into making music?
Matilda: It started off very personal and all I really knew was that I wanted to learn how to play an instrument. I started off playing ukulele because I thought four strings was less daunting compared to a six-stringed guitar. I eventually graduated from a ukulele onto acoustic/electric and once I had learned enough to start constructing my own sound, I played around with structure, songwriting, and composing a lot. It was very intimate to me and there was no specific moment that I recognize as the start of me creating. It was a gradual relationship that I had to build on my own.
Small Talks: Your latest release “End Up Okay” is an emotional one, what was the writing/recording process like?
Matilda: The process started in early February and I had a moment of writer’s block before I sat down and started writing End Up Okay. I had a set of chords I knew I wanted to use, but the words and rhythm weren’t flowing naturally. In order for me to write something honest and genuine (regardless of structure) I need to be able to translate my life in an authentic way. I was feeling wholly overwhelmed at the beginning of the year and the only way to connect to these emotions was to use them towards something tangible–a song. The first half of the song was my way of processing my emotions. It really describes sitting in pain, confusion, and fear without skipping the grief, while the second half is coming out of the end of the tunnel and growing from the experience. It was written in multiple sessions, which isn’t typical of me. Either it’s all at once or it takes me months, so this one was a slow burn.
Small Talks: You’ve received overwhelming support with the release of “End Up Okay”, what’s that been like?
Matilda: It feels incredible and it makes me extremely emotional. This was probably the most engaged response I’ve had from a release and it’s unlike anything I’ve experienced. Even though my audience is smaller compared to other artists, to feel recognized by my community and by people I truly admire affirms my love for creating and the ones that support me. It’s nice to see your hard work have direct results. Results that really mean something deeper than just impressions or streams, it’s about connection! I’ve never felt more uplifted in a profoundly meaningful way.
Small Talks: What have you been doing to find inspiration/motivation during this quarantine?
Matilda: To stay inspired, I’ve been trying to look inward when necessary and also find new ways to love the outside world. My way of interacting with my city, my friends, and my family has changed drastically, and those adaptations have affected my routines and conventional ways of working. There are times when writing feels cathartic, but there are other times when it feels like practice. Recognizing this is a skill I’m able to work on when I have all this free time from isolation. Another important thing is allowing myself rest and being kind to myself when I’m not operating in a regular way. These are unprecedented times, which require loads of tenderness and this is something I’m able to focus on in solitude.
Small Talks: What is the music scene like in Jacksonville and do you think it has influenced your sound at all?
Matilda: The music scene in Jacksonville is close-knit and extremely welcoming all at once. Everyone wants to help, and everyone wants to make sure you’re seen as long as you’re willing to step forward. I would say genre-wise indie rock and punk dominate the scene, but diversity in sound isn’t hard to find. As I’ve become more familiar with local venues and started collaborating with Jacksonville artists, it’s definitely expanded my sound. I was more of a singer-songwriter type, but I’ve truly grown into the western/indie pop/jazzy style the more active I’ve been in the community since I’m able to play with a band.
Small Talks: Besides making music, what do you like to do in your free time?
Matilda: I relish solitude and don’t mind being alone. So, the times I have space to just be, I can get creative with how I spend my days. I love making little short films, I journal a ton, I read, I write random poems or essays, I bike, I play music in the park, and I dance around my apartment.
Small Talks: Who are some of your biggest inspirations, music related or otherwise?
Matilda: Currently, my biggest inspirations are Faye Webster (for sound), Rumi (for writing), and Mary Oliver (for feeling). I haven’t been connecting to other creators as much as I have with them.
Small Talks: Do you have any plans/goals for 2020?
Matilda: For 2020, my biggest goal is to make it out alive. In a more career-oriented sense, I’m currently working on a record with my good friend Taylor Neal, lead guitarist of Bobby Kid, and we hope to have it finished sometime within the next year or so. If the situation with Covid-19 lightens up, hopefully a tour will follow the release of the record.
Small Talks: Anything else you would like to add?
Matilda: My socials are a good place to keep up with what I’m doing and what’s going on with my life or just music stuff I’m working on. So, feel free to follow me there if you’re interested in all things sweet and soft. Instagram: @rnatilda, Twitter: @matildugh.
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